Monday 14th September 2015 my baby daughter Sadiya was born. She was born too early. Two days short of 24 weeks, 2 days short of being viable in the UK. She was born clinically dead, her lungs and brain had not developed fully, but she was born with her heart beating. As the midwives placed her cold body against mine, I felt her heart beat against my heart. As her heart beat faded away in my arms, I truly understood what grief meant. The physical pain in my heart and the emotional trauma my soul experienced was something I had never felt before. As funeral plans were made and I said my last good bye to a baby I had not known, to a baby that did not know her mother, to a baby that I loved as equally as my other children, I searched for answers as to why she left me so soon, I looked for answers to why my body failed her. My knowledge of science gave me possible answers to why I miscarried her, but it was my faith in Islam that gave me the true answers to my burning questions. It was the will and plan of Allah (SWT). But that’s all I knew and it wasn’t enough for me to feel the peace that I desperately wanted. I came home and set my task to find out what the Qur’an and Hadith said about the loss of my baby. Answers came from all directions and the pieces all added up. I jotted down everything I found and soon enough, I knew I was writing my next book to help myself and others that were also looking for answers to their loss.
2018-12-01